Noose
by Visible
Summary: [HarryxPansy] Hanging by a thousand words.


**_1. D__estroy you_**

Your friends walk around the school as if they owned the place. You belong with them.

You know the exact way to toss your hair, apply cosmetics, and smile artfully. You've practiced a million times in front of the mirror.

Those girls you deem 'friends' know this too.

You know how to walk as well. A sway this way and a sway that.

This way he can't avoid looking at you.

Shining whites behind scarlet lips, hair tucked behind the ears, and friends in check.

You glance at him in the Great Hall.

But those looks he sends destroy you.

**_2. I__nventions_**

He likes her, but why?

You'd look better on his arm.

In Transfiguration, he sits next to her.

He constantly whispers in her ear for answers. And she replies because she knows.

She completed every assignment with perfection and answered every question precisely.

Hermione Granger made no mistakes.

Seeing her hand waving up and down in the air, you can't help but cringe.

He can do so much better than her.

She's not pretty.

She's annoying.

She knows too much, but she doesn't know anything.

She has funny teeth, a high voice, and fizzy hair.

You just don't get it.

**_3. E__ven to them_**

You were hesitant to tell anyone. Even to your friends.

Draco was different, though. Draco would get it. Draco understood you completely.

You were sure of it.

When you told him, he didn't believe you. He thought it was a prank.

But he saw your eyes were serious.

You think that's when he broke.

"You can do so much better than him."

His voice was hollow.

No reply would suffice.

He didn't abandon you the way you knew all the other Slytherins would.

You knew he'd always be your true friend.

Then Draco punched him, hard.

Maybe Draco didn't understand.

**_4. W__onder of it_**

The wonder of it all was that you still thought of him when it was apparent he disliked you.

Sometimes you questioned yourself about your reasoning.

There was no good explanation.

Certain things were never going to happen. This was one of them.

He would never look at you with a grin plastered on his face.

He would never laugh with you beneath your favorite tree near the lake.

He would never take your hand and place it on his scar to show that he was not afraid.

You occasionally wonder about your sanity and how this came to be.

**_5. I__nto the fog_**

Dreams often fade.

Before you fall asleep at night, you pray for a dreamless sleep.

You clutch the blanket close to your chest and try to breathe evenly.

Cautiously, you keep your eyes shut. Shadows always lied.

They suffocate your nights and sharpen your dreams.

You think you see him through a mist.

His eyes shown brightly.

Green like the color of your house, the color of your envy, the color of the leaves that glide around him.

But it's autumn and the leaves turn red and golden.

The vision blurs, and he disappears into the fog.

You follow him.

**_6. S__peechless_**

You've finally gotten the courage to talk to him, despite Draco's threats to disown you from the Slytherin house.

Draco scowls as he walks with you down the corridors, but you don't mind at all.

You think only of him and his reaction to your unusual civility.

He's with friends.

You planned this already. You were going to talk about Divination homework and Trelawney's prediction about your solitary death and how ridiculous it all was.

They see Draco before they see you.

And before one word leaves your lips, he demands, "What do you want?"

You're speechless. Draco defends you.

**_7. H__ypocrites_**

You tell everyone that Gryffindors are horrible, vile people who care only for themselves and create stereotypes. That all the professors favor them, save Snape.

You tell everyone that will listen.

And make sure you are in his hearing distance.

He overhears you and confronts you.

"Who do you think you are, telling lies? If anything you're describing yourself."

Your jaded necklace is too tight.

He leaves before you can tell him that he labeled you before he even knew you.

You're angry and upset, but you don't understand why you feel ashamed.

He always made you feel mixed emotions.

**_8. I__n idleness_**

You wanted to kill yourself. You wanted to dig your nails into pale flesh until blood reached the surface. You wanted courage.

You were being a coward, and you were proving them right.

He was across the library. You wished you could just tell him.

Why was it so difficult?

Because then you would be a traitor to your own cause.

Would you be brave enough to say something this time?

He was right there, sitting in contemplation.

But the distance between you and him was the distance between angels and demons.

You decided you weren't going to do anything.

**_9. N__ever again_**

You overheard them talking about you.

Your throat clenched.

"She's the ugliest thing I've ever seen."

He laughed. "Yeah, she looks like a dog."

"She's Malfoy's bitch. She'd do anything--the slut."

And he agreed.

"Jealous, Weasley?"

You made yourself known and looked into his friend's red face because you couldn't bear to see his.

He replied for his friend.

"There's nothing to be jealous of."

It hurt more coming from his lips.

"Why don't you just screw your Mudblood whore? You'd prefer that, wouldn't you?"

"Shut up, Parkinson."

You watched the back of his ebony head as he left.

**_10. G__rievances_**

And then it finally hits you.

What the hell were you thinking?

Give up already, give up.

Even when you try so, so hard, in the end it's all for nothing.

Just stop.

Stop trying.

Stop wishing and hoping and dreaming.

Those are Gryffindor traits.

You are not a Gryffindor.

You wear your green and silver with pride.

You're realistic and you've learned that dreams never come true. The world taught you the hard way.

Hope can be defeated.

But you wished.

You would die wishing.

Because things like that don't happen to girls like you.

The fact choked you.

**Noose**

_Author's Note: _I worked too hard on this. Counting and recounting and counting again. There are ten sections, each section title with ten letters, and each containing one hundred words. Throughout the story, there are ten allusions to death, hence the title, and the first letter of each section title is an acronym. There are five letters in the word 'noose', so I created a summary with five words. Section eight, titled 'In idleness,' refers to the pansy, a flower that is also called love-in-idleness, because she's 'now purple with love's wound' (Shakespeare Midsummer Night's Dream, ii. 2.) and idle in a sense that she will never do anything about this feeling. I put way too much thought into this, and yet no one has taken notice. This is more than just a story. Some things just never unravel from your neck.


End file.
